I could feel his eyes caressing mine,
He was trying to connect with my soul,
The people around were oblivious of the chemistry happening,
They couldn't hear my heart beating but he could,
He sensed that i still had space in my wretched flesh,
Space that i was unaware of,
I looked away breaking contact,
But i could feel him asking why,
I didn't dare answer him,
My heart is none of his business,
I made a vow never to love again.
I made a vow to move on,
But my will to do so is weak,
My heart is still attached to the past,
It keeps pulling me back to my Ex,
He knows i'm weak,
It excites him,
He knows he can still get the Nookie without effort,
I yearn for his respect,
I want him to give me that special treatment he once gave me,
But i have to come to terms with my expiry date being overdue,
I'm scared of closing the door on my past,
When i do not know what the future holds,
It's amazing how just eye contact with this new guy evoked memories,
Scenes that are embedded with painful feelings,
I will never love again.
He calls out my name,
I can feel desire in his voice,
Desire my soul longs for,
But from the wrong man,
I'm afraid of giving in to him,
I'm afraid he might be like the other guy,
My heart has been hurt a million times,
What if he makes it grow cold this time?
Men are wicked,
I will never love again.
Showing posts with label Heart broken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heart broken. Show all posts
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Saying good bye!
I've never been the best student in my life,
It's the reason why i keep fucking up,
And i marked the day i met you on my calendar,
It was the most beautiful mistake i ever made,
You are the one thing i do not regret,
And i count the time i spent with you a blessing,
I must admit that loving you has taught me something,
And i now know for sure experience is the best teacher,
Because what i learned left me burning,
It left me hurt but i am still standing,
It left me with bitter-sweet memories,
Things i wish i could forget,
Because i think of you all the time,
Reminiscing has become my hobby,
The more the past replays itself the deeper i fall in love,
It feels more like a curse,
Because love to me is pure pain,
That's something that will never change,
Because i no longer have the heart to keep loving,
What's left in me is bruised flesh,
Loving you did this to me,
I no longer believe in promises,
I no longer make 'em,
You once promised me forever,
And i learned that forever has an end,
I refuse to be a fool,
I am Nobody's Bitch,
I am no longer your puppet,
I am breaking free!
I am saying good bye,
I hope this time it's forever,
I'm making peace with myself,
I'm taking back my dignity,
I loved you with heart and soul and body,
but it wasn't enough,
Neither was my time,desire and loyalty enough for you,
I was a fool,
I am still a fool,
Because i still pray for you,
Because i love you,
I thought time would heal me,
Time doesn't seem to be the best remedy for my kinda ache,
That's why i pray that my heart forgets you,
I am breaking free,
Saying good bye,
I hope life and love treats you well,
I hope you never love the way i loved you,
Because it's painful when the one you love walks away,
And it's a decision you must respect.
Good bye Darling!
I wish you well!
It's the reason why i keep fucking up,
And i marked the day i met you on my calendar,
It was the most beautiful mistake i ever made,
You are the one thing i do not regret,
And i count the time i spent with you a blessing,
I must admit that loving you has taught me something,
And i now know for sure experience is the best teacher,
Because what i learned left me burning,
It left me hurt but i am still standing,
It left me with bitter-sweet memories,
Things i wish i could forget,
Because i think of you all the time,
Reminiscing has become my hobby,
The more the past replays itself the deeper i fall in love,
It feels more like a curse,
Because love to me is pure pain,
That's something that will never change,
Because i no longer have the heart to keep loving,
What's left in me is bruised flesh,
Loving you did this to me,
I no longer believe in promises,
I no longer make 'em,
You once promised me forever,
And i learned that forever has an end,
I refuse to be a fool,
I am Nobody's Bitch,
I am no longer your puppet,
I am breaking free!
I am saying good bye,
I hope this time it's forever,
I'm making peace with myself,
I'm taking back my dignity,
I loved you with heart and soul and body,
but it wasn't enough,
Neither was my time,desire and loyalty enough for you,
I was a fool,
I am still a fool,
Because i still pray for you,
Because i love you,
I thought time would heal me,
Time doesn't seem to be the best remedy for my kinda ache,
That's why i pray that my heart forgets you,
I am breaking free,
Saying good bye,
I hope life and love treats you well,
I hope you never love the way i loved you,
Because it's painful when the one you love walks away,
And it's a decision you must respect.
Good bye Darling!
I wish you well!
Friday, 27 July 2012
In Her Voice
Her pain was visible,
It's magnitude was deep,
Her sorrow was in the Air,
I was enveloped in it,
My heart understood her,
As if I'd felt the same way before,
Her emotions were felt when she spoke,
It was in her voice.
She spoke of someone dear,
Someone stolen by death,
I could feel the forever impact,
She was already missing her man,
My tears flowed freely,
Because i felt the same way before,
I was reminded how crushed he left me,
Just listening to her speak,
She prayed to God for strength to carry on,
She Wanted her heart healed,
The scar left in her heart was ugly,
All love scars are it seems,
I found myself praying,
I want to forget the past,
Coz it seems my heart is still crying,
Just like hers.
Things happen for a reason within a season,
That's what they always say,
But i wonder how long my heart will long for the same man,
It's driving me insane,
Every time i remember the day we split ways,
It feels like death took him,
Coz his love for me is dead,
I empathize with her,
I know how it feels to loose the one you love,
I see myself asking God to heal me,
Whenever i hear her speak.
It's magnitude was deep,
Her sorrow was in the Air,
I was enveloped in it,
My heart understood her,
As if I'd felt the same way before,
Her emotions were felt when she spoke,
It was in her voice.
She spoke of someone dear,
Someone stolen by death,
I could feel the forever impact,
She was already missing her man,
My tears flowed freely,
Because i felt the same way before,
I was reminded how crushed he left me,
Just listening to her speak,
She prayed to God for strength to carry on,
She Wanted her heart healed,
The scar left in her heart was ugly,
All love scars are it seems,
I found myself praying,
I want to forget the past,
Coz it seems my heart is still crying,
Just like hers.
Things happen for a reason within a season,
That's what they always say,
But i wonder how long my heart will long for the same man,
It's driving me insane,
Every time i remember the day we split ways,
It feels like death took him,
Coz his love for me is dead,
I empathize with her,
I know how it feels to loose the one you love,
I see myself asking God to heal me,
Whenever i hear her speak.
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Expiry Date: (College sweetheart)
He used to be my college sweetheart,
The first grown up "true love" i had,
He's the man i told my secrets,
The man i loved with my life,
I thought i was his sweetheart too,
I was naive not to realize that i was a pass-time,
It's 4 months since i saw him,
4 months since my expiry date.
Memories haunt me,
They remind me how it feels being with him,
They make me drown in thoughts,
Thoughts that condemn me,
I keep asking myself questions,
Like where did i go wrong?
But now i know i was a pass-time,
My worth has expired.
The first time we made love,
Our souls intertwined,
I'll never forget the rooftop,
Or the passion we had,
The stars bore witness to our inviolate kisses,
The moon blessed our love motion,
We warmed the night's cool breeze,
I became addicted to making love to him,
But our time together faded on my expiry date,
A day i never anticipated,
It got me unprepared.
Did we ever make love or was it just sex?
Was it a soul affair or did he just need body heat?
Was the rooftop at all special?
Was i just a favorite pass-time?
I'm i a hit-and-run victim?
These questions torment me,
They give me reasons not to trust men,
I wish my College sweetheart knew,
That Miss Karma is my Best friend!
Sunday, 10 June 2012
Please Forget Me
Please forget the day we met,
The glances we exchanged,
The pleasantries we shared,
The blunt we rolled up,
The liquor we got wasted on,
My salacious eyes,
my indecent proposal,
Please forget that moment,
Forget me.
Please forget my lips,
The words they curved,
The kisses they planted on your skin,
The way made love to your lips,
Forget my tongue,
Forget how i used it to pleasure you,
Forget the lustful fire it ignited in you,
Please forget me.
Please forget my body,
Forget my enticing breasts,
Forget their velvet feel when you touched,
Forget their taste,
Forget hips and thighs,
Which on many a times parted to give you a taste of divinity,
Forget how my skin got electrified when we got close,
Please Forget me,
Forget me.
I'm falling in love,
And it's a dangerous affair,
My heart has been broken 69 times before,
I'm not sure if i can survive this time,
So i beg you to forget me,
Don't call,text or tweet me,
If you cease pursuing me,
I might slowly forget about you,
That way i won't fall deep into your web or get lost in love's maze,
Please forget we ever met,
And I'll try my best to forget your name,
Pass me on the streets like a Stranger,
Act like i never existed,
Please forget me i beg,
Forget me.
The glances we exchanged,
The pleasantries we shared,
The blunt we rolled up,
The liquor we got wasted on,
My salacious eyes,
my indecent proposal,
Please forget that moment,
Forget me.
Please forget my lips,
The words they curved,
The kisses they planted on your skin,
The way made love to your lips,
Forget my tongue,
Forget how i used it to pleasure you,
Forget the lustful fire it ignited in you,
Please forget me.
Please forget my body,
Forget my enticing breasts,
Forget their velvet feel when you touched,
Forget their taste,
Forget hips and thighs,
Which on many a times parted to give you a taste of divinity,
Forget how my skin got electrified when we got close,
Please Forget me,
Forget me.
I'm falling in love,
And it's a dangerous affair,
My heart has been broken 69 times before,
I'm not sure if i can survive this time,
So i beg you to forget me,
Don't call,text or tweet me,
If you cease pursuing me,
I might slowly forget about you,
That way i won't fall deep into your web or get lost in love's maze,
Please forget we ever met,
And I'll try my best to forget your name,
Pass me on the streets like a Stranger,
Act like i never existed,
Please forget me i beg,
Forget me.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Lie to me
Speak to me,
use your words on me,
let your thoughts flow with the beats from your heart,
put out the flame of curiosity within me,
i thirst for your words,
i don't care if they are lies,
i pray you to move your lips!
My ears are eager,
am alert!
I can't stand your silence,
your muteness is profound,it hurts!!
I imagine words escaping your lips,
they comfort me,
but wished words don't reach where yours sink,
my heart wails,
whisper to it,
say whatever you may,
even if it's a lie
use your words on me,
let your thoughts flow with the beats from your heart,
put out the flame of curiosity within me,
i thirst for your words,
i don't care if they are lies,
i pray you to move your lips!
My ears are eager,
am alert!
I can't stand your silence,
your muteness is profound,it hurts!!
I imagine words escaping your lips,
they comfort me,
but wished words don't reach where yours sink,
my heart wails,
whisper to it,
say whatever you may,
even if it's a lie
Tuesday, 26 July 2011
I cry!
I cry when am Angry,
I cry when am stark raving Mad,
I cry when am Happy,
I cry when am sad,
I cry to let emotions flow,
There are unsaid words in my tears,
Somehow i can't seem to stop crying,
When i cry because of love.
I cry in solitude,
In the comfort of my shadow,
Am free to detach my spirit from body,
My spirit heals with my shadow's comfort,
I move on when i cry,
Forgetting why i cried,
But my spirit always stays wounded,
When i cry because of Love.
I cry in the presence of those i trust,
Only when my emotions are too much to handle,
I need an extra spirit,
an extra body and shadow to comfort me,
An extra someone isn't enough,
When i cry because of love.
Cry baby! Cry baby! Call me what you want,
I cry and bathe in my emotions,
am afraid i might drown,
My Memories are streaming right now,
Just like a slide show,
My tears can't stop flowing,
Am crying because of love!
I cry when am stark raving Mad,
I cry when am Happy,
I cry when am sad,
I cry to let emotions flow,
There are unsaid words in my tears,
Somehow i can't seem to stop crying,
When i cry because of love.
I cry in solitude,
In the comfort of my shadow,
Am free to detach my spirit from body,
My spirit heals with my shadow's comfort,
I move on when i cry,
Forgetting why i cried,
But my spirit always stays wounded,
When i cry because of Love.
I cry in the presence of those i trust,
Only when my emotions are too much to handle,
I need an extra spirit,
an extra body and shadow to comfort me,
An extra someone isn't enough,
When i cry because of love.
Cry baby! Cry baby! Call me what you want,
I cry and bathe in my emotions,
am afraid i might drown,
My Memories are streaming right now,
Just like a slide show,
My tears can't stop flowing,
Am crying because of love!
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
POEM: GRIEF!!
When the sun sets,and the moon comes out bright,Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of water.- RIVAROL
'tis when the mood's set.
I inhale deep, the cool night's breeze,
just to take you in,then close my eyes to meet you in my dreams.
In this world built on memories,stands your heart,
the only home i know,
my dream now seems real...a deadly game to me,
if it ends with me in your arms,my life ceases to be.
I hear your voice,your calling out to me,
I need to see you,your the reason why my heart beats,
I walk these deserted streets of emotions,following your voice,
It's now level two of this game,i can't wake from this dream.
Am now on a lane called occasions,
reminiscing the special moments we shared,
feeling warm at happy bends,freezing within as i advance in this game,
If i find you before this dream ends,i die with you,
If time elapses before i reach you,am doomed to play the game every time i lay to rest,
your voice bids me to follow,
Which path should i tread?
The level's complete,am on stage 3,
The scene is set,our wedding day,
Different from others,i must admit,
I vowed from my soul,
"even in death i shall love thee"
Is this why you torture my slumber my love?
Does this mean i must be where thou art to be in peace?
The kids need me to move on,but i need you breath.
We're in the same room,facing each other,
Our past quickly spins out of sight,
The only thing between us is our desire to embrace the other,
Should i or should i not?
The clock's ticking,it's almost time,
should i let time pass in your arms or should i bear this torture each night?
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
LOVE'S A BITCH!!!
To start of this blog i decide to write about love, yeah i know what youz thinking...cliche!!!If we all got paid for having our hearts broken, some of us might be millionaires. The heart wouldn't be anything coz it would eventually become numb...
well...i still insist, besides it won't hurt to read.
LOVE'S A BITCH!! i say this not because i don't believe in it or coz I've never experienced the good side of it, but because am addicted to the bitch and i love the way she takes over me. she gives me a feeling similar to what i feel when am high on weed...she's intoxicating!!
Love made me settle, committing my body, soul & mind on him,dreaming of him, writing letters to him(I'll reveal them in my future posts), denying my body satisfaction of the flesh from others. Ce'cile (byaad girl) mentioned in her song "anything" that when a girl loves a man,she do anything anything to make him feel right... and anything is what i did,what i got in return i mistook it for love yet it was gratitude. gratitude because he was never loved like i loved him, he enjoyed the feeling of being loved buh never really loved back...at least not how i loved him.
I was blind to see the signs,love didn't want me to wake up from her romantic illusions, i didn't notice that each day i grew in love with him, i was suffocating him! Love didn't grow in him instead it left his heart, he wished we never took that step,the one that makes lovers out of friends...every time we made love he felt guilty, he told me he regrets.
my heart is wounded, it bleeds every time i hear his voice, repeating to me those words "maybe this was a mistake!" he regrets taking a different lane...am glad we did, he regrets making love to me...am glad he did, he feels like he betrayed my love...now i feel the same way.
am hurt! it kills me to forfeit my place in his life... but what choice do i have? why force someone to love me in a way he doesn't? why hold on to something that's done with?
Love is a BITCH, this ain't the first time she's done this to me... Am living with a broken heart!!
If we got paid for having our hearts broken, some of us would be millionaires. the heart wouldn't be anything coz it's become numb, in my case i wish i could be refunded the time & tears i wasted because of love, most of all i wish my weak heart could stop loving him coz am in pain!!